The Krakow Daily Eagle
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We can't help but notice the clean ditches around Krakow. This is because Krakow is divided into two groups, Group A, and Group B. While Group A hangs out at the Post Office waiting for the next Social Security check to come in, Group B scours the local ditches looking for aluminum cans. Aluminum can money is then used to buy beer sold in aluminum cans.These two groups rotate every month. "This is an ongoing, rewarding, and fullfilling process" states Dan, a community organizer, main street resident, and area butcher.
At first, deh kids wanted a monkeh fo deh White House pet, bud ah told dem, ah monkeh just gonna be swingin around up on deh chandeliers, screwin up deh lectrical, an stealin deh light bulbs.
The Poetry Corner
There once was a lad from Eau Claire
Who has doing his gal on the stair
The banister broke
So he doubled his stroke
And finished her off in mid-air
There once was a lad named screwy Rick
A lad who was born with a spiral prick
His life was spent on one long hunt
In search of a gal with a spiral c*nt
But when she was found, Ricky droped over dead
Cause the gal that he found had a left hand thread
The Tango Chicken House is now Defunct
People in the area remember the unusual way flies were controlled at the Tango Chicken House. The children, mostly the boys, would quickly dart around the dining and bar area with their heads tilted slightly back, peering down the length of their nose, eyes slightly crossed and mouths wide open. It was a sight to behold, and an event to be remembered for eternity.
Wanda's Crystal Ball
Ask me anything - $30
Three for $60
No, the fish stink
Yes, some one does
Wanda, are the fish in that Krakow river good to eat?
Wanda, does any one eat them anyway?
Down in Alabama where the Blackies shovel coal
A Blackie shoved his shovel up another Blackies hole
Some one called the Doctor but the Doctor didn't come
So he died of constipation with a shovel up his bum
Ah set deh first Lady record by eatin 17 lb. ob deh spicey ree-yubs. Stand back, ah is gonna de-gas an blow a string ob meat farts.
The Obama's comming home from Church
"We all spid deh Communion out cause id was white"
stated Michelle, with a nasty smirk on her face.
The spid contest results
Borock floot > > > > > plotz............ 12 ft. Michelle floot > > > > > >plotz..........15 ft.
Malia floot > > > > > > > plotz.......17 ft.
Sasha floot > > > > plotz.................10 ft.
They gave Jesus a ride
It's been rumored that the little one smokes cigarettes.
Yesterday the gardener for the Rose Garden found a pile of 200 butts behind the Yews.
Sasha, where is you gettin deh cigarettes from?
Ah cannot tell a lie, Mama, Ah is swipin mah puffs from Bo. He be so MoFoKin dim, he doan never know had deh Hell goin on.
<- - - -Hi, I'm Yevette DeLeMeaux, the fashion editor for the Krakow Daily Eagle. I can't wait for the warm days of summer so I can mount my little red buzzer and try out my new riding gear.
Green Valley, Two Rivers, Gillet News
In the swamp like burg of Green Valley, mosquitoes and flies are controlled the old fashion way.
Today's Two Rivers Jokes
There's a new study out about the wives in Two Rivers . The results are rather interesting.
80% say their ass has grown too big since getting married.
10% say their ass is the same as when they first got married.
10 % say they don't care. As long as he goes to work every day and brings home a pay check every week.
The Two Rivers guys wife passed away so he called 911. The operator said she would send someone over. Where do you live? she asked.
TheTwo Rivers Guy replied, at the end of Eucalyptus Drive.
The operator asked, can you spell that for me?
After a long pause the Two Rivers Guy says, How about I drag her over to Oak Street and you can pick her up there.
Today's Democrat Jokes
Two Democrats, Bimbette and Maxine walk into the department store. They walk up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle of perfume. Bimbette sprays some on her wrist and smells it. She offers her wrist to Maxine for a smell. That's quite nice, replies Maxine. What's it called? It's called Viens a moi, says Bimbette. What the Heck does that mean? asks Maxine. At this stage the stylish perfume clerk offers her insight, Viens a moi means "come to me" in French. Bimbette takes another sniff then offers her wrist to Maxine again and remarks, that doesn't smell like come to me Maxine, does that smell like come to you?
Gillet area residents turn out for the 4th of July's various pulling contests to cheer for their favorites.
Go Bulah, give it your hic .....all,
Due to an overload of complaints from around the Denmark area, the Krakow Daily Eagle has hired an assistant to the complaint manager.
Complaint Dept. Asst
Shila, you look like an old
warhorse that has been around
the block many times. So what
is the most erotic dream you ever had?
Well Larreh, Ah dreamed dat Ah was in dis little cottage in deh forrest an 5 dwarf came in an started tuh pork meh all at deh same time. Larreh dis made so angered, muh nostrils flared out really wide.
Shila, I bet I know what happened next.
What dat, Larreh?
2 more dwarf showed up.
............................F*ck you Larreh
Larry King interviews Shila Jackson Lee
Today's Colored Joke
Lional comes home from school, runs up to his Dad and says, Hey Dad, ah is got deh biggest cock in deh 3rd grade, is dat cause ah is a Niggah?
Well Lional, eh, that's cause you is 17.
Canuck was on his snowmobile checking his trap line when his snowmobile started to sputter. Canuck decided to turn around and head back to town. His machine sputtered all the way back. Just as he pulled up in front of the snowmobile repair shop his snowmobile let out a large cloud of black smoke and died. The mechanic came out of the garage and said. "Blew a seal huh" Canuck rubed his mustache and his beard and said, "Well, nah, thats just frost".
The buses arrive and Gillet Seniors prepare to embark for a day at the Casino.
And yes, those buses are short.
Above - Visit these other interesting "Web Starts" sites we have found
Sister Bazoomas wasn't satisfied with receiving just GoldenApple Awards. Sister Bazoomas received the Golden Cantaloupes Award. Sister Bazoomas has a double Masters Degree in Mechanical Suspension and Hypnotism. 7th and 8th grade boys in the Krakow Parochial School thought Sister Bazoomas was the best teacher, ever.
Buzz - half price
< - - -
Krakow School of Music
Tuba Practice Today
Lets Listen in
< - - - -
Fuckin show off
The In and Out Motel
No Vacancies - Sorrey, we're full
The Personals Column - 20 cents a word
Who are you?
I'm Cocoa Rio from Brazil, I'm in the Rodeo. The Water Buffalo riding event.
Do you like riding Water Buffaloes?
Well, I don't ride them, I'm a bucker.
So eh, what do you want?
I want to go on a 3 day honker with Tom .
What are your stats?
That's 1 lb. for every day of the year.
Yes it is.
Well, Good Luck
The little Krakow Chapel
Lets listen in, and see if there are instructions from the pulpit today.
Krakow's Chicken King
Ask about today's special
The Krakow Butcher Shop
Hey Dan, saw me off a chunk of that hard salami for Dad
Hot Items for Sale
The Gillet Tractor Car
Touring - Going to Church - Bar Hopping - Farming
It does it all
Gillet - SUV
This big wheeler has 2 speed wipers - And runs like a Rolex wristwatch
(Big wheels are a status symbol in Gillet)
1. Compare the value of your home to the average value of others in your town and in your state.
2. Compare your household income to the average of other household incomes in your town and your state .
3. Compare the population growth of your home town to other towns.
4. Compare the population density of your home town to others towns.
5. Compare your education level to the average education level of others in your home town.
6. Compare the average education level in your home town to the average education levels in other towns.
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Attention, you Liberal clod-hoppers, we want to save your rotten, stinking, souls.
Believe in God you liberal Clod - Hoppers, but do not hang your hat on the infallible credibility of any specific Religion. Religions, with their Korans, Torahs, Bibles, etc. are all inventions of mankind, in an attempt by these various factions of mankind to associate their specific religious beliefs more closely to God than the specific religious beliefs of other factions of mankind. Always remember, you liberal, piss-ants, God is eternal. God was around prior to the beginning of the Universe, the big bang or whatever. God will be around when the Universe collapses into a black hole or holes or whatever. God will be around when the Mother of all black holes explodes and gives birth to another new Universe etc, etc, etc. Life is a carrousel.
If you believe in God, you must vote Republican. The Republican Party always has room for God at their table and in their decision making process. The Liberal Democratic party does not have room for God at their table, and in their decision making process. The liberal Democratic party supports baby killers, child molesters, perverts, thugs, the ACLU, etc, etc. Wake up you low level knob heads, if you believe in Liberalism you are sliding, sliding, sliding .......faster, and faster, and faster .......in a downward spiraling rut, into the fierce and fiery bowels of Hell, culminating in consummate and eternal damnation. The Devil cheers you on and the Obama's, Pelosi's, and Harry Ried's are greasing the rut. Always remember, you liberal piss ants, The Devil rears his ugly head in many ways........and all, under the guise of Liberalism.
The KDE Editor